About Me

I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe; I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears, night & morning with my tears; and I sunned it with my smiles and with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night, till it bore an apple bright; and my foe beheld it shine, and he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole when the night had veil'd the pole: in the morning glad I see my foe outstretch'd beneath the tree

poison tree- william blake

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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sample

To: Mr Goh, teacher-in charge of the Student Council

From: Liev Tan, National Education (NE) Representative of Sec 4 E1

Date: 30 May 2009

Review of the International Friendship Day Carnival 2009 and recommendations for a new and improved carnival programme

As my class NE representative, I am honored to be given this opportunity to review the International Friendship Day 2009 that has just taken place not too long ago. While it proved to be quite a success, there are several areas that can be improved to make the following year’s celebrations a better one. My peers and I have gathered feedback from several students and we feel that there is a significant need to make some changes.

With regards to the performances, the general feedback was that the students had enjoyed the myriad of activities and it was educational as it made students realized how diverse our cultures are. However, students tending to booths were not able to watch these performances as they had no time away from their duties. We feel that this is rather unfair as they too must be given a chance to view the performances of their friends. Hence I suggest that the Student council come up with a rotation system to allow students to be able to take turns to rove about and enjoy the performances.

On to my next suggestion, I would like to highlight the main attraction of the International Friendship Day carnival, which is the food. Many students enjoy the display of food and cited that they were surprised to discover that the food from Asean countries are almost alike. In order to make it more educational for them, I propose that we come up with posters to show the differences and similarities between the food and come up with activities such as how to make certain dishes for the students. This way they can appreciate the food better,

Further to my suggestions, I would like to bring your attention to the issue of vandalism of the static displays. I believe that amidst all the fun, we must also instill order in the students. I suggest that Student councilors be deployed to walk around to ensure order amongst the students. They will then report any misbehavior of students and report to the Discipline committee. Students must also be forewarned that any attack on the displays is a crime and they will be dealt with severely.

Last but not least, I would like for the school to publicise this event to the students more fervently as last year, a few students were not aware that we had this event in school. The importance of attending this event, which is to celebrate and appreciate our multi-racial cultures, must also be emphasized. Students studying for tests should also be encouraged to attend this event as a form of a break from their revision.

With the help of all parties involved, I hope that next years event will be a more resounding success. I hope my suggestions and recommendations have been helpful and insightful to you. With this, I end my report. Thank you.

Report written by
Liev Tan
30.05.09

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Using informal language in free writing

Many students have approached me and asked whether it's ok to use informal language in free writing. I don't really have a definite answer to that, all I can say is it depends on the essay and how you structure it. Actually it's common to see informal language and formal language in texts.

One reason why- it adds realism to your text.

In Narratives, conversations and dialogues are always included. When we speak, we don't normally speak in formal language (we do, but not always). So in our writing, we use informal language to reflect what exactly took place. It makes the essay realistic.

Let me give you an example.

I was walking down the busy street when I caught sight of an ex-colleague, Mr Bank, at the other side of the road. I waved at him frantically and when he saw me at the corner of the street, he quickly ran over.

"Yo Stev-o! What's up man? You're looking dapper in your Armani suit and Prada shoes! Much better from the oversized tees and hanging denims you always wear!"

I was momentarily surprised. For someone who looks like he could not be bothered about clothes and fashion, Mr Banks sure knows his brands.

Here, the use of informal language in the conversation makes the story lively and interesting.

Let's try formalising it.

"Hello, Steve! How are you doing? You are looking very smart in your Armani suit and Prada shoes. It is much better compared to the loose and oversized t-shirts and denim pants I often see you wear."

Hehe. Mad different isn't it? :))

Lots of luv,
Ms N

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ms N says

OK, so now you know how to hook your readers by using the different types of Great beginnings. Just remember the objective of your essay : WRITE A NARRATIVE.

Dont forget the humpty dumpty graph. You need to first give your introduction (which I believe will turn out fantastic!) and then you need to provide a sequence of events. Something must happen in order for something else to take place. In order for complications to take place, making way for climax and of course, resolution!

Pls pls pls dont forget. And no short form, pls. it can only be used in dialogues okay. Be careful of putting redundant punctuation i.e commas before 'and'. Do not start with 'because', 'and' etc. Watch out for your tenses. If its a reflection, surely it must have taken place so it must be in the past tense. OK people????

Last but not least, incorporate your descriptive skills to make it a vivid and exciting narrative. Just dont forget your plot!

Oh yes, and dont kill yourself or the author/narrator at the end. :))

Descriptive and 3 powerful words

Sherilyn's group

Beginning 1: Using 3 powerful words (and dare I say, descriptive too!)

Maleficent, menacing, monstrous. Those were the very three words that instantly entered my mind when I think back about him. James and his accomplices strode confidently through the field, amidst the mist. The very moment I lay my eyes on James, I knew he was an ominous symbol of trouble. James was blond, his locks tied loosely. He was pallid, and his skin complemented his honey-combed locks well. He seemed as though he had not shaved for a few days and looked more barbaric with his deep-set eyes that were a livid red. The same unblinking eyes insolently bore into my very soul, immediately giving me a feeling of uneasiness, which likened a lasso tied around me .His thin, purplish lips slowly curved into a menacing sneer and my instincts told me he was concocting something malevolent.

(Good one girls, and of course Jian Cheng!)

Beginning 2

Thunder rumbled in the distance and Bella’s heart palpitated wildly as she pressed her hand on the cold, hard surface of the glass door and pushed it open. A shiver went up her spine, as the door hinges squeaked ominously, breaking the still silence. Out of the blue, a familiar cry rang through the entire ballet studio. She heard a voice that sounded like that of her mother’s. Her heart leaped and there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Bella scampered towards the source of the sound. She slammed open the door with immense strength. But little did she realise that it was just a trick played by the sinister and dangerous James. She saw a shiny silver laptop sitting on the top of the table. It was then Bella woke up and realised that she was conned.

(Good one girls, and of course Jian Cheng!)

Cont

Jarett's Twilight intro using 3 powerful words

Jarett's:
Handsome. Brave. Caring. These words would come to Bella’s mind whenever she thought of her beloved boyfriend Edward Cullen. He was one of the very extremely rare males who had very astonishing looks and dexterity and he was the perfect bachelor women could ever hope to find. His fair skin, so fair that it almost glistened in the sunlight, and a nose that was so sharp that it looked like a knife, and a hazel-brown coloured hair made him perfect in terms of looks.

Mine:
Handsome. Brave. Caring. These words would come to Bella’s mind whenever she thought of her beloved boyfriend Edward Cullen. He was one of the very extremely rare males who had very astonishing good looks and dexterity and he was the perfect bachelor women could ever hope to find. His fair skin was so fair that it almost glistened in the sunlight. His nose was so sharp that it looked like a knife. His hair, a hazel brown, made his appearance perfect.

Pts to note: Try to make your sentences less complicated by cutting them short. It becomes easier to read and increases the clarity of your expressions. And also, NO COMMA BEFORE 'AND'!!

______________
Wesley's group
Topic/Theme: Meeting Bella for the first time/ Using descriptive segment

Their version:

Bella walked briskly into the noisy biology class, the teacher warmly greeted her “Bella, the new student? Ok then sit there next to Edward.” His finger pointed to the only empty seat in the class which so happened to be next to the handsomely mysterious, dashing guy-Edward Cullen. Bella unwillingly took small feeble steps to the mysterious Edward Cullen, who now had seemed to be visibly annoyed. Bella sensed it too. The biology teacher’s droned on and on. Edward glared a piercing glare at Bella and she glared back at him with the same kind of glare. When the teacher handed out the specimens, Edward passed them to Bella using a finger as if she was a leper. Their cold war continued and their surroundings disappeared. All each of them noticed was each other. Their glares got more ferocious. Both of them totally ignored the teacher’s explanation, their minds refusing to register the significance of his words. Finally, Edward made the last move. He hastily got out of his seat and barged out of the classroom, leaving a dumbfounded Bella behind. She followed him to the office, where she overheard an exasperated Edward pleading with the staff to change his class. Alas, it was a futile attempt. He turned around and stormed out of the room, glaring at Bella, who was stupefied.

Mine:

Bella walked briskly into the noisy biology class. The teacher warmly greeted her, “Bella, the new student? Ok then, sit there next to Edward.” His finger pointed to the only empty seat in the class which so happened to be next to the handsomely mysterious, dashing guy- Edward Cullen. Bella unwillingly took small feeble steps to the mysterious Edward Cullen, who now had seemed to be visibly annoyed. Bella sensed it too. As the biology teacher droned on and on, Edward glared a piercing glare at Bella and she did the same. When the teacher handed out the specimens, Edward passed them to Bella simply by using a finger as if she was a leper. Their cold war continued and it was as if their surroundings disappeared. All each of them noticed was each other. Their glares got more intense. Both of them totally ignored the teacher’s explanation, their minds refusing to register the significance of his words. Finally, Edward made his move. He hastily got out of his seat and barged out of the classroom, leaving a dumbfounded Bella behind. She followed him to the office where she overheard an exasperated Edward pleading with the staff to change his class. Alas, it was a futile attempt. He turned around and stormed out of the room, glaring at Bella once again, who was left all the more confused and visibly stupefied.

Continuation

Lynn's group

Intro: Sounds // Theme: Suspense, atmosphere

The floorboards screeched and creaked under my footsteps echoing throughout the building. My heart palpitated wildly like there was no tomorrow and I shuffled down the hall way, cautiously peering at the vague silhouette and mysterious shadows that surrounded me. The hair on the back of my neck rose and a shiver shook my spine. The hall way was covered with spider webs that tickled my head and also dust which rose up in puffs whenever I put my feet down with a soft thud.

Good one Lynn! Riveting! Whats going to happen next!
_________________________________
Zhi Xin's group

Petrified. Terrified. Terror-stricken. The sunlight filtered through the tinted windows as I crept down the hall way gingerly, stealthily, peering cautiously at the shadows and jumping every time the old floorboards creaked under my weight. My footsteps emitted a thud that echoed creepily throughout the building. The hall way was dusky with spider webs hanging everywhere and dust lining the floor. The wind howled as the leaves were stripped off the defenceless trees and the rustling reverberated through the old dancing ballet studio.

The hairs on the back of my neck rose and an icy shiver went down my spine. An ominous sensation swept over me. Alone, without Edward, I was like a helpless abandoned puppy on the streets. I swear I could see a blur of black as shuffling of footsteps rang through the smooth vacant marble floor that was coated with luxurious hazel brown paint. My heart was pounding vigorously in my chest like Bongo drums as my pale pink lips tightened like clams.

This is the scene where Bella met with James, right? You managed to capture beautifully what we saw on tape into words! What happens next? :))

____________________

Pyone's group
Theme/Title: The Mean Girls using Quotes

Their version
"Never do unto others what you do not want others to do to you"
I had learnt this the hard way, being both the abuser and the abused.
I had never ever knew, in my four years of being the superior, that bullying could emotially hurt someone that badly. Reverting my attention back to the incident, my eyes rolled and my dazed look transferred to the day where the 5 elegant, aristocratic girls transferred into our school.

Mine:

"Never do unto others what you do not want others to do to you"
I had learnt the meaning of this famouse saying the hard way, being once abuser and also the abused. I never would have imagined that, in my four years of being the senior, bullying could emotially hurt someone badly. Reverting my attention back to the incident, my eyes closed and I was transported to the day when the 5 elegant, aristocratic girls were first transferred into our school.

Also from Pyone's grp

Theirs:
They describe themselves as 'cool', 'pretty', 'unique'. They think that they rule the school just because everybody avoids them. They have the heaviest
make-up ever. They have purple streaks of highlight clearly shown in their hair. They conclude themselves as the bravest clique in school because they
are no afraid of green forms or demerit points. They think they will never be expelled as their parents donate a gargantuan amount of money to school every
year. They wear short skirts up till their hips. They wear ankle socks which are so low that they could not be seen. They occupy a huge space in the
canteen to prove that they are cool and different from the others. Everyone has a road to follow in life. Boulders, rocks and difficulties. No one can
change it. Difficulties at work, at home, or even in school. I know I have to overcome them someday. They are, the mean girls.?

Mine:
They described themselves as 'cool', 'pretty', 'unique'. They thought that they ruled the school just because everybody avoided them. They had the heaviest
make-up. They had purple highlights streaking their long tight ponytails. They conclude themselves as the bravest clique in school because they
were not afraid of neither green forms nor demerit points. They never thought of being expelled as their parents often donate gargantuan sums of money to school every
year. They wore short skirts up till their hips. Their ankle socks were so low that they could not be seen. They occupied a huge space in the
canteen to prove that they were cool and different from the others. They were the "Mean Girls' and I knew I had to overcome them someday.

Remember, its a narrative. You are reflecting, telling a story. It has happened, hence it must be in past tense.

Part 3

A few intros I thought were quite alright :))

Yi Tian's
Using quotes
"Failure is the mother of success”. That’s what I always say to myself whenever I lost. It was my 38th time losing in chess! It has been two months since I started playing chess. I have been losing SINCE THEN! The first time I lost, I thought it was just because of the lack of experience. Yet losing so many times, I began to think that it was not the lack of experience that made me lose. It was that I have NO TALENT! Well, that’s nothing for me to be ashamed of since I was always told that I was good at nothing. That’s what I thought too, until one fateful day…

Keane's group
Theirs:
“Push! Push!” the Nurse said. Uncle watched his wife with excitement. After the vigorous pushing, the baby head appear. The baby was then placed in the cart. Uncle jumped for joy like he won a million dollars. Suddenly, she fainted. The doctor and the nurses quickly took the equipments to get ready to operate on the wife. The nurse rushed Uncle to leave the operation room, and he waited outside. He thought about it. He thought of the beautiful memories of them together. He thought of how hard they tried to have this kid. He prayed, hoping that she would survive. He felt that he could not survive without her. After what felt like an eternity, the operation finally ended. The smile on the doctor’s face told uncle the result.

Note: Im curous though... What happens next? I mean, if you have like an actual story in the intro itself, what's going to happen next... If you look carefully, there's an intro, a sequence of events, a climax and a resolution. ALL in AN INTRO!
Keane, enlighten me? Anyways, here my GE-free version

Mine:
“Push! Push!” the Nurse said. Uncle watched his wife with excitement. After the vigorous pushing, the baby's head appeared. The baby was then placed in the cart. Uncle jumped for joy like he had won a million dollars. However, his joy was shortlived.My aunt who was seemingly fine just a while ago had suddenly fainted. The doctor and the nurses quickly took the equipment to get ready to operate on her The nurse rushed Uncle to leave the operation room, and (Excuse me, no comma before an 'and') he waited outside. He thought nervously about his wife who was being operated on. He thought of the beautiful memories of them together. He thought of how hard they tried to have this baby .He prayed, hoping that she would survive. He had a strong feeling that he could not survive without her. After what felt like an eternity, the operation finally ended. The smile on the doctor’s face told uncle the result...

Part 2

introduction using a bold opinion

Kevin's group
I am the most handsome, smartest boy in the school. I treated the school as my own and I ruled the school. Girls would die for my sake and guys worship me like a god. Teachers praise me for my excellent work. Well I had always led a perfect life until one day…

My revised version
I was (tenses inconsistent) the most handsome, smartest boy in school. (for some reason, this sentence bothers me..)I treated the school as my own and it was as if I ruled the school. Girls would die for my sake and guys, they worshipped (Tenses) me like a god. Teachers praised (Tenses) me for my excellent work. Well, I had always led a perfect life until one day...

_________________________________________

Great beginning: 'Ask a question' approach

When you use this method, you need to make sure that from the questions you posed, readers are able to guess what your essay is about. at least a hint of whats goin to be discussed, the theme or a clue to your storyline. Lets see the examples.

Sheng Kok's Group
Does everyone have children? Well, not really but children are often considered an eyesore to their parents. However, to people who are unable to bear children, will they have the same mindset too?

---> Im not sure what the intro is about. Is it about having or not having children? or is it about children being an eyesore? Plus, when you mentioned 'children are often considered eyesore to their parents', im curious to know where you get this fact from.. To me, this sounds like a beginning of an expository essay which you have not learnt.. To make it slanted towards the narrative text type, you need to make sure you give a clue to the readers.. Use your questions to ease your readers into your plot.

Lets look at Alcalvie's introduction as comparison

Are you a fan of the club Manchester United, Chelsea or Liverpool? Or perhaps an ardent supporter of Brazil or Argentina? Have you experienced waking up and staying awake in the wee hours of the morning, trying to catch your favourite club or country in action? Well I have. I was such a fan of this beautiful game called soccer that I had even gone to the extent of skipping meals in school just to save up money to buy the latest soccer jerseys and tickets to watch live games. However, it was that one fateful match that I attended, that changed my mind about the beauty of this game.

Okay, people from 1respect, you'll surely know that I have edited Al's intro. Well, what can I say! It has potential. :)

So people, lets compare these two paragraphs.
You can see that Al's introduction also has questions for the readers. He asked and he gives his personal answer. Then to make it interesting and to hint to the reader what his essay is about, he says, towards the end, that he attended a match that changed his mind about the game of soccer. So here we wonder, what could have happened that made Al changed his mind... It must be something serious because as Al described, he was quite a big fan (as u know introduction = orientation, and he introduces himself as a fan of a football club, staying awake to catch games, skipping lunch etc etc). So this way, Al can begin his narrative quite easily. And the introduction works for him.

Remember, you are writing a NARRATIVE. dont forget your structure. I need to see your ORIENTATION, SEQUENCE OF EVENTS (what happened and what caused what and so forth), COMPLICATIONS, CLIMAX, RESOLUTION.

Part 1

Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Hi kids, go and thank your classmates for coming up with these fab introductions and endings.

Luv,

Ms N

Great Beginnings and Meaningful Endings

8: Begin with a description involving sounds.

Atmosphere: Rock Concert

Beginning:

The distortion of the guitar and the catchy rhythm of the noisy drums reverberated in the stadium. The ground trembled as the audience rocked along with the heavy music. No one cared about the humidity or stuffiness in the stadium as all eyes were fixed upon the heavily made-up rockers. The instruments screeched as the guitarists strummed violently and the vocalist’s hoarse screaming echoed throughout the stadium.

Ending:

As I sauntered along the isolated alleyway on my way home, I could still hear the heavy metal music ringing in my ears and began visualizing the band jamming back on stage. How I wished time would freeze and the music would go on forever. The experience of my first rock concert was etched deeply into my mind like a tattoo on a rockstar.

___________
Same theme;
No. 6: Start with three powerful words
Beginning:

Loud. Exhilarating. Deafening. These words came naturally to my mind whenever I listened to heavy metal. That concert I went to that night was an experience I would never forget. It was my very first rock concert with my own band. As I advanced on the high, black stage, a sudden loud applause could be heard and screams echoed through the whole stadium. I could feel my heart in my mouth as I stared at the masses. “Go to DMC! Go to DMC!”, the loud chanting was audible across the wide stadium. That got me even more anxious and tensed and my heart palpitated wildly like there was no tomorrow.

Ending:

It was an achievement – our very first world tour. I did not think it would be such a great accomplishment and pride was written all over my face. Our fans were heart-warming. Their endless support gave us the motivation to make the world tour a success. It was our first world tour and I doubt I’ll ever forget the overwhelming exuberance we had during the tour and the great satisfaction after we feel for successfully completing it